Sadness...

~What makes you reflect on your life? What makes you really sit back and examine all that you have and all that is of significant value to you. Not monetary value, but true life value. To me, the most valuable things in my life, aren't things at all. They are people. Those people are my children, my husband, my parents, my brothers, my in-laws (you all know the ones I mean) my nieces and nephews and my friends.

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~I always am wrapped up in every day life, and living it just to get by. Sure I love my life, my family and friends, but I don't always sit back and really take it all in.

I am wealthy because I have it all, I have a wonderful family. One that supports me and loves me for who I am. The take the good with the bad, the bitch with the mood swings. I'm blessed. I am in WONDERFUL health. I have no major illness and haven't ever had any either. I have never been hospitalized except when I had my children. I have my vision, my hearing and most of all my sense of humor. I am blessed.

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~I have three beautiful children, and I do mean beautiful. They are gorgeous inside and out. They are loving, affectionate, passionate, smart, caring, funny, sharing, giving, generous and just all around amazing and wonderful. None of them have ever been ill. Sure we have had some common things, like colds and stomach bugs, but that is pretty much it. Both girls have NEVER had ear infections... knock on wood, and Trevor only had the beginning stages of one when he was under one year old. They have never had one single problem in life. They are 100% perfect, in every sense of the word. They are energetic and they play and run and do everything together. They love one another. They are healthy and growing like flowers. I'm truly blessed.

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~I have a wonderful husband, whose head would swell at reading that, but I have to admit it is true. He is pretty darn wonderful. He puts up with me and my bitchiness and my truck driver mouth... and my mood swings and my nagging. He is good to me and our children. He works every day, very hard, to be able to support our family so I can stay home and raise our children. He helps me cook and clean... he even does dishes, laundry and vacuums. He is a great daddy to our children and just an all around good guy. I'm really lucky to have him in my life. I am blessed.

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~I have wonderful parents who, still, love and support me in everything I do in life. They love my family and do whatever they can to help us out in any way. They are the most caring, loving and generous people I have ever known in my life. They are that way to anyone they know, not just us. :) I am blessed.

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~I also happen to have the worlds greatest friends. You know the kind, the ones that are ALWAYS there for you, no matter what. The kind that offer a shoulder and an ear. That are always there to support you even if it is one of the stupidest things you have every in your entire life thought of doing... they tell ya that, but then are right there beside you helping you every step of the way. They want your dreams for you as much as you want them yourself and they try everything in their power to make that happen... as I'm typing this I realize this isn't just my friends that are this way... this is how my husband and my parents are too... I have this enormous, wonderful support team with me all the time, every second of every day... always there. Breathing the same air I breath and walking this same journey through life. Some of them are only 20 minutes away and some are an hour and 20 minutes away, but I still feel them right beside me all the time. Every. Single. Step. I'm never alone and I'm always loved. I AM truly blessed.

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~The things that always make me take a look at life like this... for what I really have and what my true treasures are... are when people pass away. It always brings me right back to reality and quickly too. It always gives me focus to see what I really have and that I need and want for nothing. Of course there are the monetary things... the house, the car, the dreams, but those things I can live without... those things haven't made me who I am, and they won't change who I'll be. They are simply that... things.

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~In the last few days, my camera took a crap, my fridge quit, my sugar glider died, my nephew's cat died, my friend, Jenn's cat died... and those are all set backs. The animals are truly sad and are going to be missed. But there is worse news. Much worse.

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~My landlord's, who aren't just ever day run of the mill kind of land lords, they are family friends, they are loving, caring, giving, generous people, they have been so good to Bryan and I and my family I can't even begin to tell you. They are good people. Very good people. Well on Sunday they found out that their 38 year old son died. He left behind his parents, his wife and two young daughters, his brother and sister and other nieces and nephews. This is horrible. I am just so upset about this. I'm so sad for the family and those two little girls.

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~Then today I talked to Alyssa, and I found out that her uncle, only 49 years old, died unexpectedly yesterday. I am so sad for her and her family. I can't imagine what they are all going through. I offer her any support and help she can use. I offer her my shoulder any time she needs to cry or vent or for anything. I send my condolences to her family. I'm in shock that this happened to her family.

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~Tonight I talked to my mom, and she said that my aunt had called to tell her that a man that has lived in our neighborhood, well longer than we have, passed away. An acquaintance/friend of my parents. I'm very upset.

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~This is a lot to deal with. To try to understand. Three people in three days. I'm afraid for tomorrow to come. I'm afraid to hear what it will bring. This is a horrible streak of bad luck, if you can even call it bad luck. I feel it way more than that. Worse than bad luck.

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~There are other things going on as well in our personal lives, Bryan's job is taking away a major perk of them having work vehicles to drive to and from work. Something that we really were grateful for and relied in immensely. We will now have to buy a car for him to drive to and from work and also figure out insurance money and gas money and all that, while we are hoping to be moving and fixing up an entire house, which we haven't heard any new news on. Still waiting on contracts! We live in NY and the owner lives in CO... he was supposed to email them to our realtor Monday, but she hasn't heard from them.

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~Anyway... this is all nothing. Thank goodness we have our health and one another. I just pray that tomorrow is a new fresh day!

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~I do have some good news, the lady that does my nails, her assistant, another Jennifer, had her baby girl on Monday... on Trevor's birthday. See God does delivery great miracles too!

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~Here is to tomorrow being a lot better!!

CHEERS!

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~PS please say a prayer for all the families that have experienced a loss this week, please keep them in your thoughts. thank you.

What? When? Where? How?

Tonight is the night before Brooke and Lauren turn TWO YEARS OLD!!!!! I'm not sure what happened to those two years. They have just gone in the blink of an eye. I'm not sure when my babies stopped being babies and became TODDLERS. I'm also not sure at all where the time has gone from me being in the doctors office being told that baby B did rotate around to head down in such a late stage of multiple pregnancy so we could have done natural/vaginal labor BUT her fluid level was less then half so they wanted me to go to the hospital immediately to be admitted and prepped for emergency c-section, to sitting here typing about their SECOND birthdays tomorrow. I'm also not quite sure how I'm going to deal with this if time is going to continue to go this fast for the rest of their lives.

I'm not ready for two. I'm not. These are my last babies and I'm not ready for them to stop being babies and start being toddlers. I'm not. I'm not ready for Trevor to be four or for them to be two. I just don't want this to keep going this fast. I do want them to grow up and learn things and become wonderful older children, but not like this... not in the wrinkle of time. I feel like I have missed so much. I feel cheated. I feel like they have been cheated. Although I can remember so many moments from the day they were born till now, like I can with Trevor, I just feel like I have to be missing some for it to already be two years that they are here.
They are the almost the same age (tomorrow) that Trevor was when I had them. I can't believe it. Trevor turned two and a week later I had Lauren and Brooke.

Baby A~ Miss Lauren Ashley was born at 9:18 PM ~ she was beautiful, although I didn't get to see her for very long... I had to still get out Baby B~ Brooke.

Baby B~Miss Brooke Madison was born at 9:56 PM ~ she was beautiful as well, she looked just like Trevor. It was amazing to me that she and Trevor looked almost exactly alike when they were brand new. In baby pictures, Brooke and Trevor look like they are or could be the twins, almost identical and Lauren looks like she would be the singleton. Although now, everyone says how much Lauren looks like Trevor, although I'm sure it is just because they have the same shape face, sort of, and Lauren has short-ish hair. Don't get my wrong, they all do look alike and they all look just like their father. I'm telling ya... carry them for nine months, give birth to them, and they come out looking like their dads. Some how that just doesn't seem right. ;)

We have been working on understanding who is having a birthday tomorrow. I keep asking the girls who's birthday is tomorrow, or I would say Saturday, and they kept on either saying "Trevor!!" or they would just say " Birthday!" and some times just start singing "happy birthday to you"! : ) Too cute!! Just too freakin' cute I tell ya!!

When you ask them how old they are going to be, Lauren says "two" and Brooke says "two, five, six" LOL I guess she is jumping the gun just a little bit. I mean who needs to be 3 or 4... come on now... EVERYONE who is anyone knows that 3 & 4 are completely over rated. LOL!!

Well since I have the living room decorated and the presents wrapped, well most of them, I have two more to do... and the kids are all sleeping.. yeah even Bryan is sleeping. I guess I should head in that direction too!! I can't wait to get up in the morning and have the girls see their decorations and all the balloons and their presents. We got them a joint gift, hopefully it will go over well. It is big enough for the two of them, but we'll see. It is a Dora Vanity. AND, Oh My Goodness they are sooooooooooooooo into DORA!! She rules their world!! LOL and some other things, like My Little Ponies and some blocks and a movie and I don't know what else. But anyway.. I'm sure I will have a few pics of them opening presents tomorrow when they wake up.
My babies are growing into REAL toddlers tonight while they sleep. I cannot believe it has been two fast, flying by years since I had them and brought them home and was scared to death to have two little babies at the same time, while Trevor was still so little and needed so much of my time and attention... but as I look back... I think I handled three of them pretty well and Trevor is very affectionate and a really great well rounded child so I think I did pretty good with him still and the girls seem happy and healthy and well so it is looking good so far!! :)

I'm truly blessed for all I have in my life starting with my children, and the rest of my family!! I couldn't imagine life for one second without any one of them. I love my life, I love my kids, I love Bryan... things are good!!

I'll be back tomorrow or some time to post some more about the birthday events for the girls and also about their big birth day!! : )

peace.