drama

my girl is crying. sitting on the floor crying her little eyes out. inconsolable. i tried. it is breaking my heart too. i hate to see my kids unhappy... for any reason.
why is she crying like someone stole her favorite toy, told her Santa isn't real or broke her heart? why? well because she can't go to the doctors today to get a shot. she has to wait till tomorrow.

yes. yes I am VERY serious! this is why she is heart broken and she is crying terribly. i tried to tell her that she is going tomorrow and that it will be here before she knows it... but that didn't help. she almost got more angry when i told her that they were all going to get shots tomorrow. SHE only wants to go get a shot... not everyone. I tried to tell her that she will get to go next Tuesday as well, but again, it didn't help.

I'm guessing this is just the beginning of a lot of crying, upset and heart break with having two girls. I'm hoping that one day they will be at least a little bit easier to talk to and reason with. at three it seems that NOTHING is easy with them.

who ever it was that said, when having twins it gets easier... they left out some major information... it gets a LOT harder before it gets ANY easier. but another twin and mommy mantra that i love is: this too shall pass. thank God it is pretty true... it just sucks like hell when the passing takes a LLLLOOONNNGGGG time... like a year (for them to turn 4).

wish me luck and LOTS of patients... i think today is going to be a rocky day. ;)

Things to Remember...

Brooke & Lauren love to refer to each other as "my sister" when talking to anyone, except each other.

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Trevor doesn't care if I go to the store with out him, while he is in school, because he knows I'm really busy and have to things without him sometimes. (his words) AND if I bring him home Skittles. :)

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Trevor ~ "Kids at school and in my class don't all dress fancy, they just dress the best they can."

Mommy ~ "What makes you say that honey?"

Trevor ~ "Because I have a lot of clothes and some of the kids in my class don't. But that is okay.

Hey, maybe I can give them some of my clothes."

Mommy ~"That is so nice of you. You are such a good boy to want to share what you have with

your friends."

Trevor ~ "oh. they aren't my friends. they are only in my class so I have to talk to everyone."

Mommy ~ "oh. okay." :)

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Lauren ~ "mommy when are you getting your voice back?"

Mommy ~ "I'm not sure honey. But I hope soon."

Brooke ~ "well who took your voice?"

Mommy ~ "no one took it honey it is just gone for now."

Lauren ~ "well you shouldn't loose it Mommy."

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While packing the kids are sort of understanding about things going into boxes, "just for now" to go to the new house... but today the girls are asking me when we are going to bring the boxes back home. I'm not sure they totally get the moving thing just yet.

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Trevor thinks we are going to always have two houses. Wouldn't that be nice?? Well, as long as I don't have to keep moving things back and forth and also don't have to clean both. ;)

that is all for now.

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since every day I feel like I'm loosing more and more of my mind and mostly my memory I want to try to post about little things the kids do and say so I won't forget.

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OH!! speaking of that... there is more...

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Lauren has been singing up a storm... and the other day she was singing a song that went like this...

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F U love your mom.

F U love your dad.

F U love your mom and dad.

F U you love your sister.

F U love your brother.

F U love your mom.

F U love your dad.

F U love your mom and dad.

~

and so on.

~

at first I wasn't quite sure I was hearing her correctly but she kept singing away and sure enough that is what it was sounding like. Although she was really meaning IF you love.... pretty funny!!

Eight Years...

It was one of those days, the kind where you wake up and know it will be a bad day. The kind of day when you hug the pillow tight and curl up in your blankets hoping that you really don't have to get up, ever.

It was a Friday, and it was October 13th, my morning was starting off on the wrong foot for many reasons. I was dealing with a lot of things that I wanted to just tuck away and pretend weren't there. For some reason though I got up out of bed that morning and decided to deal with everything head on. I was going to make it through the day. Even if it was just for today that I was going to survive, I was going to do it.

I got up, took a shower, got dressed and walked out of the house. That in itself was accomplishing a lot. It was hard to walk away from that house, from that part of my life, from all that was inside. But I did. I had to. I also had to face the rest of the dreaded day ahead of me.

I got in the car, started it, and just sat there for a minute with my eyes closed praying that I would be able to hold it together and get through this. I put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. I drove, although I don't remember any of the drive, to meet up with a friend of mine. I parked and got out of the car, my mind in million other places. Got in his truck and off we went.

It was a quiet ride. Not sure really what to say to one another. Still in shock, I suppose. We had only heard the news a few days ago. Our good friend, who was a good friend to many, had passed away. He had been on a motocross bike practicing and had a collision with another rider. They were both okay. Or so they thought. He refused to go to the hospital to be checked out, instead he got back on his bike and off he went. Ten minutes later, he collapsed. He passed away on that practice track. He wasn't alone, his children were there, and he was surrounded by friends as well. It was horrible. No one could believe that someone so full of life and spunk could just go that fast.

I was bar tending when I got the call. I just stood there. I was unable to even speak. I know I stayed and finished up my night at the restaurant but I can't even tell you anything about that night. I drove home and I was just in such shock that my friend had passed away. Such unexpected news, I really thought of him as invincible.

We arrived at the church. You wouldn't even begin to imagine the number of cars and people that came from all over and all walks of life to say goodbye to their dear friend and give their condolences to his wife and children and other family. We parked and started to walk in. Flashing through my mind is all the times I have entered this same scene. The smell of the church the sound of people reminiscing and crying. I try to block out my old memories of all the others I have had to say goodbye to. It will be hard enough to get through the present without reliving the past.

I suck it up, and go on. We all listen to the Father preach and pray for our friend and also for his family and friends. We sit in silence. We repeat the words we are told to repeat and we bow our heads in prayers.

We leave and head to the cemetery. The cold, lonely, cemetery. No matter how many people were there that day, it still was so lonely it felt as if there was no one in the world with me any more, let alone by his grave side. Again, a feeling I'm unfortunate to be familiar with. There are more words spoken, I hear them, but I can't let them in. His wife is crying and holding on to her children. My heart breaks even more. So unfair for him to be taken so soon. To be taken from his family, to be taken from his friends, to be taken away from this world where he wasn't done making his mark.

We are back in the truck. We head to a gathering at the local fire house to have some food and find comfort in being with others that are mourning our same loss. It seems impossible to think that anything will bring comfort at at time like this. But we all seem to loosen up some, talking fondly and laughing about memories of our good friend.

I see someone that I know, someone I went to school with. Actually my ex-high school boyfriend and I went to prom with him and his girlfriend, who last I heard were still together. I go over to say hi. I ask him how he is doing and what is going on in his life. I ask him were his GF is... I was surprised that she wasn't there. He says that they weren't together any more. More surprises. They were together all through out high school and then after high school as well. But things didn't work out for them so he was there alone. We talked for a while, although he was kind of quiet, I had no problem filling in the voids. I was happy to keep my mind from the events of early that day... the leaving in the morning with no intentions of going back and the funeral.

It ended up that we were all going to go out to dinner and maybe drinks some where after this. The friend that I went with originally and the friend that we met up with. We all loaded up and headed off. We talked on the way to dinner, it was nice to catch up with them. We ate at Ruby Tuesdays in the mall, where I tried to hook up my newly single friend with the waitress. It was pretty entertaining because he is very shy and I, on the other hand, am not. Not at all. We left the restaurant with no numbers having been exchanged and headed to go to a club for some drinks. Not feeling guilty at all, because this is exactly the way our friend would have wanted things to go... he was a party kind of guy. He would not have wanted us to sit around and cry, he would want us to celebrate him and the way he would have wanted to have a good time.

We had a good night and when all was said and done, the friend from school said he would drive me to my car, since the other friend had to work in the morning. We get to my car and say good night and that we should hang out again sometime. I try to find my keys only to realize that I don't have them. They are in my other friends truck. We call his cell. No answer. We can't call his house at this hour. (around 3:30 AM) We drive to his house to see if his truck in unlocked and sure enough it wasn't. I had no way to get home. Well other than my friend driving me all the way out to my parents house. So instead I call my house and tell my parents that I won't be home, I left my keys with someone else and have no way to get them, that I'll just stay the night at my other friends house.

So that night we tried to sleep on an air mattress that the cat had punctured so there was no way to keep the air in it... meaning that there was no way to really sleep on it. The house was empty because of the recent breakup... so we headed off to his mother's house, were we slept in a camper there. NOTHING at all happened. I'm not that kind of girl and he wasn't/isn't that kind of guy... and also I wasn't sure what was going on with the relationship that I had walked away from the morning.

I'm sure his family thought it was pretty interesting to see me there in the morning, but whatever. We headed off in search of finding my car keys. We had to drive to where my friend was working to get them out of his truck. We ended up spending the rest of the day together and then having dinner together as well. So this is the beginning of the story that is written here, the story of my life with Bryan. He was the friend from school that I knew. And as it worked out we didn't spend one, single, solitary day or night apart from each other until Christmas Eve, when we both thought that we should be home with our families. Who would have ever thought that you could really find true love at a funeral??

Sadness...

~What makes you reflect on your life? What makes you really sit back and examine all that you have and all that is of significant value to you. Not monetary value, but true life value. To me, the most valuable things in my life, aren't things at all. They are people. Those people are my children, my husband, my parents, my brothers, my in-laws (you all know the ones I mean) my nieces and nephews and my friends.

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~I always am wrapped up in every day life, and living it just to get by. Sure I love my life, my family and friends, but I don't always sit back and really take it all in.

I am wealthy because I have it all, I have a wonderful family. One that supports me and loves me for who I am. The take the good with the bad, the bitch with the mood swings. I'm blessed. I am in WONDERFUL health. I have no major illness and haven't ever had any either. I have never been hospitalized except when I had my children. I have my vision, my hearing and most of all my sense of humor. I am blessed.

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~I have three beautiful children, and I do mean beautiful. They are gorgeous inside and out. They are loving, affectionate, passionate, smart, caring, funny, sharing, giving, generous and just all around amazing and wonderful. None of them have ever been ill. Sure we have had some common things, like colds and stomach bugs, but that is pretty much it. Both girls have NEVER had ear infections... knock on wood, and Trevor only had the beginning stages of one when he was under one year old. They have never had one single problem in life. They are 100% perfect, in every sense of the word. They are energetic and they play and run and do everything together. They love one another. They are healthy and growing like flowers. I'm truly blessed.

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~I have a wonderful husband, whose head would swell at reading that, but I have to admit it is true. He is pretty darn wonderful. He puts up with me and my bitchiness and my truck driver mouth... and my mood swings and my nagging. He is good to me and our children. He works every day, very hard, to be able to support our family so I can stay home and raise our children. He helps me cook and clean... he even does dishes, laundry and vacuums. He is a great daddy to our children and just an all around good guy. I'm really lucky to have him in my life. I am blessed.

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~I have wonderful parents who, still, love and support me in everything I do in life. They love my family and do whatever they can to help us out in any way. They are the most caring, loving and generous people I have ever known in my life. They are that way to anyone they know, not just us. :) I am blessed.

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~I also happen to have the worlds greatest friends. You know the kind, the ones that are ALWAYS there for you, no matter what. The kind that offer a shoulder and an ear. That are always there to support you even if it is one of the stupidest things you have every in your entire life thought of doing... they tell ya that, but then are right there beside you helping you every step of the way. They want your dreams for you as much as you want them yourself and they try everything in their power to make that happen... as I'm typing this I realize this isn't just my friends that are this way... this is how my husband and my parents are too... I have this enormous, wonderful support team with me all the time, every second of every day... always there. Breathing the same air I breath and walking this same journey through life. Some of them are only 20 minutes away and some are an hour and 20 minutes away, but I still feel them right beside me all the time. Every. Single. Step. I'm never alone and I'm always loved. I AM truly blessed.

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~The things that always make me take a look at life like this... for what I really have and what my true treasures are... are when people pass away. It always brings me right back to reality and quickly too. It always gives me focus to see what I really have and that I need and want for nothing. Of course there are the monetary things... the house, the car, the dreams, but those things I can live without... those things haven't made me who I am, and they won't change who I'll be. They are simply that... things.

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~In the last few days, my camera took a crap, my fridge quit, my sugar glider died, my nephew's cat died, my friend, Jenn's cat died... and those are all set backs. The animals are truly sad and are going to be missed. But there is worse news. Much worse.

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~My landlord's, who aren't just ever day run of the mill kind of land lords, they are family friends, they are loving, caring, giving, generous people, they have been so good to Bryan and I and my family I can't even begin to tell you. They are good people. Very good people. Well on Sunday they found out that their 38 year old son died. He left behind his parents, his wife and two young daughters, his brother and sister and other nieces and nephews. This is horrible. I am just so upset about this. I'm so sad for the family and those two little girls.

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~Then today I talked to Alyssa, and I found out that her uncle, only 49 years old, died unexpectedly yesterday. I am so sad for her and her family. I can't imagine what they are all going through. I offer her any support and help she can use. I offer her my shoulder any time she needs to cry or vent or for anything. I send my condolences to her family. I'm in shock that this happened to her family.

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~Tonight I talked to my mom, and she said that my aunt had called to tell her that a man that has lived in our neighborhood, well longer than we have, passed away. An acquaintance/friend of my parents. I'm very upset.

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~This is a lot to deal with. To try to understand. Three people in three days. I'm afraid for tomorrow to come. I'm afraid to hear what it will bring. This is a horrible streak of bad luck, if you can even call it bad luck. I feel it way more than that. Worse than bad luck.

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~There are other things going on as well in our personal lives, Bryan's job is taking away a major perk of them having work vehicles to drive to and from work. Something that we really were grateful for and relied in immensely. We will now have to buy a car for him to drive to and from work and also figure out insurance money and gas money and all that, while we are hoping to be moving and fixing up an entire house, which we haven't heard any new news on. Still waiting on contracts! We live in NY and the owner lives in CO... he was supposed to email them to our realtor Monday, but she hasn't heard from them.

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~Anyway... this is all nothing. Thank goodness we have our health and one another. I just pray that tomorrow is a new fresh day!

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~I do have some good news, the lady that does my nails, her assistant, another Jennifer, had her baby girl on Monday... on Trevor's birthday. See God does delivery great miracles too!

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~Here is to tomorrow being a lot better!!

CHEERS!

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~PS please say a prayer for all the families that have experienced a loss this week, please keep them in your thoughts. thank you.

5 years ago...

At 7:10 AM five years ago, I was holding a beautiful brand new baby boy. I can't believe it has already been five years since Trevor came into this world. Every day is a brand new adventure with him, and he is growing and changing so much. I'm afraid to close my eyes because I don't want to miss anything.
~
I don't even know where to start with just how amazing he is. At five years old he is very articulate and can express his feelings and thoughts very well. He is good at following directions to do something and is really good at hand & eye coordination and also building things with his hands and putting things together. He is great at catching on to things and learning new things every single day even with out being taught them directly, he is just so smart. He is doing great in kindergarten, and seems to really enjoy his time there. He is learning a lot too. He doesn't always want to talk about his day... as in we ask him how his day was and what he did and he will say it was okay and he did nothing. Always seems like the standard response. Usually at a later time he will tell us something great he did in school and he will be very animated about it and excited to share his story. :) I love those stories!
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He is drawing and pictures are the BEST drawings ever!! They are all so detailed and very cool. And they all have a story to go along with them. I love all the things he doodles and draws and I must confess that I save. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. he draws or writes. EVERY ONE!!! ;)
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He is a big mush. He is still a mushy guy. He has always been affectionate and I'm so glad that isn't changing. He loves to hug and kiss and is pretty willing to share those with almost any one, that is family or friend. He has a great laugh and it lights up his entire face. He is getting more into "boy sense of humor" such as laughing at bodily functions... hysterically!!
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He loves his dog. Zoe & Trevor are the best of friends. Every day he has to love her and pet her and make sure he gets some wild rough housing time in with her. And she, of course, loves him too. I wasn't really crazy about the thought of getting a dog, but I gave in because I knew how much Trevor and Bryan really wanted one, and now I'm so glad we have Zoe, she is a good companion to Trevor. (and the rest of us too)
~
So today my baby boy, my first born turns five. This is going fast for me. I know in a short time I will be watching him go through other changes in his life and growing up way too fast. I wish there was a way to slow things down just for a little while. Since there isn't any way to slow down time, I guess I just have to learn to take in every moment with him now. All the hugs and kisses, all the times we lay in his bed together reading stories before bed, all the GIANT hugs when I get him from school and the BIG smiles too... and the excitement in his voice when he wants to tell me something fascinating. I breath him in and hold it there, this is my boy. My amazing, loving, caring, smart, handsome, beautiful, talented, crazy, loud, energetic boy. And I wouldn't want him any other way...
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Happy Birthday baby boy, I love you!
~
xoxoxo Mommy

I love you...

When my nephew was born I got him the book... Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney. It was/is a really cute story of a mother hare and her baby talking about how much they love one another.

Since giving this book to my nephew 12+ years ago, it has become some what of a family tradition. Every child in our family since then now has the book too! I used to read it to Trevor quite a bit before he started wanting to read books with a little more story line to them... but we still enjoy it every now and then.

One thing from the book that has always stuck is a line from the book...

"I love you right up to the MOON," he said, and closed his eyes.

"Oh, that's far," said Big Nutbrown Hare. "That is very, very far."

Big Nutbrown Hare settled Little Nutbrown Hare into his bed of leaves. He leaned over and kissed him good night.

Then he lay down close by and whispered with a smile, "I love you right up to the moon - AND BACK."

(if you click on the title of the book, it will take you to a link, where you can read the story for yourself)

This one line is something I have always said to my kids... I love you to the moon and back... Trevor and I always say it to one another and we even have our own "sign language" for it too. When he gets on the bus in the morning I "sign" to him that I love him to the moon and back, and he smiles and waves to me from the bus window.

We also tell the girls that we love them to the moon and back. They have told us for a while now that they love us to the moon! They say it very excited too! And, sometimes they even point up to the sky/ceiling. :)

The other day Lauren told me...

"Mommy, I love you to the back of the moon!" :)

How sweet. Brooke is now saying the same thing. I love it.

When I told my mom she said well that is further than just to the moon. :)

Moments like these just make it so amazing to be a mom.

Gotta Love Em'!

Yeah... so ya'll remember that lovely post from yesterday?? "The Best". Yeah that's the one where I posted the BEST quote ever!! It was from my little boy! It was sweet and over flowing with pure love for his momma!!



Here it is if you can't remember....

*and here is the BEST quote ever!* I love you always. Every minute. Every day. Every night. Always. I love you to the moon and back, and even when you are being mean yelling. I love you because it is for your own safety.

It touched my heart deep inside, choked me up and made me teary eyed. And, from my comments, it did the same for some of you too. It was so loving, mushy gushy and sweet. :)

Well this morning my lovely little spawn child yelled this lovely sentiment at me, which will be a remembered quote as well, but I'm not sure it will fall into the same category as THE BEST... well here it is and you can judge for yourself where we should place this "quote"

The scene...

Trevor is begging me to stay home from school, I am telling him what an awesome day he will have and that he is going. He is still begging and pleading with me. He got extra time at home because I was driving him in to school. He got to play the Wii and play with a new toy he got, and just hang out before even getting ready for school. Plus today is Movie Day in school, and they are having Shamrock Shakes in his class. :) What kid wouldn't want to go?? Mine!! Duh!! Aren't ya payin' attention at all?? JK Anyway, he wants to take his slippers to wear during the movie, so I pack them up. He wants to take his new digital camera (I'll explain that in another post) so I pack that up too. I say he can take pictures of his St. Patrick's Day party in school today. *here is where the dialog starts...

Mommy: You can take some pictures of your friends and teachers during your party today, while you guys are having Shamrock Shakes and hanging out.

Trevor: Oh yeah. But, um, I'm NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY!!! I told you already, I WANNA STAY HOME!! I want a day off!!! And, plus, I'm TIRED!!!
**all caps are him yelling at me... wonder where he gets that from??**

Mommy: Yes, you are going. And please stop yelling at me. I'm not yelling at you. Am I? I'm talking nice, but if you don't get up off the couch turn off the Wii and get dressed for me, I'm going to start yelling.... please lets go!

Trevor: Well I WANNA YELL BECAUSE I DO NOT WANNA GO TO. SCHOOOOOOOL!! And, you aren't even LISTENING TO ME!!!! I wanna play the Wii and just stay home today!!

Mommy: *turned off the Wii* It is time to get up and get dressed, lets go. I'm loosing my patients and I really don't want to yell this morning, I know you want to stay home to play the Wii, but it will be here when you get home and you can play it then, IF you get ready NOW! Please, lets go.

Trevor: *stomping his feet all the way to the bathroom, with a horrible mean look on his face, pees and comes out to get dressed* GET ME DRESSED! .........(grumbles under breath) please.

Mommy: I'm not sending you to school to be mean, you'll have a good day! You'll have fun. I packed you slippers and your camera... you're all set, and when you get home, if you had a good day in school, you can play the Wii. And, I'm driving you in and I'll pick you up too, so it will be a quicker day for you.

***This is the key "quote" here that will be remembered for a while... ****

Trevor: *still with miserable face on.* I HATE YOU MOMMY! I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL! YOU AREN'T EVEN A GOOD MOM!!! I WANNA STAY HOME AND YOU WON'T EVEN LET ME!!

Mommy: *broken hearted and a little bit pissed off for the mean words coming from my son's mouth!!* Please stop yelling at me first of all. Second of all, I love you and even though I'm not a good mom, you are still going to school so lets get your shoes and coat on. And, you are my favorite son, so please stop being so mean.

Trevor: *still grumpy, but calming down some* Mommy, Stop saying that! I'm mad at you!!!

I get him and the girls all bundled up and out the door we go.
I buckle them all in, and we are off... no one is really saying much.
We get to the school...

Mommy: Here we are. Trevor say goodbye to the girls.

Trevor: Bye girls, Trevor will be home soon, he is only going to school. Okay babies? I'll be back soon.

Mommy: *as I take him out of the truck and put his book bag on him* Have a great day. I'll see you in a little bit to pick you up. *we start to walk into the school ~ I only walk him in the door, while the truck is right outside the door, I don't leave the girls in the parking lot or anything, I can see the truck the entire time*

Trevor: *walking right along pretty happy* Alright, I'm going to have a green day!

Mommy: Okay, try your best, and have fun. I'll see you later and then you can show me your pictures that you took today. I love you! *kiss him goodbye*

Trevor: *kisses me back* I love you too Mommy! Have a good day. *walks down hallway like a big boy and goes into classroom*

Gotta love em'! :)

THE BEST!!

I just posted my 300th post in the post below this one... and I had some great quotes in there, not even all my favorites, just some I wanted to share today. I have more... but I just thought I would share with all of you the BEST quote I've ever heard!!

The scene:

We just pulled in the driveway from picking Trevor up from school. He had a great day and was in a good mood. I had to yell at him and the girls because they were running way ahead of me in on the sidewalk and it is where cars pull in and out of the school parking lot. I said to stop a few times and then finally had to yell pretty loud. They all stopped and I went through the whole shpeel of having to listen to me and stay by me when we are in the parking lot... yadda yadda yadda. I wasn't even yelling, just talking at that point.
Well Trevor started crying. He didn't like that I yelled at him because he is trying to be a good boy. And I just yelled at him really loud.
That broke my heart. I felt bad, but at the same time I really need for them to listen to me when we are in the parking lot or any parking lot for that matter. So I said I was sorry he was upset, but he had to listen to me in the parking lot and set a good example of staying with me so the girls would learn how to act in the parking lot.

We had a quiet ride home, it is only a few minutes from the school to our house... so that was okay. We get home, and I open the door to let Trevor out of his seat and he says to me...

Trevor: Mommy I still love you, every day. All the time I love you. Even when you are mean and yelling at me.

Mommy: Well I love you all the time too. And I only yelled because I was worried you would run into the road or something and get hurt, I only did it for your own safety because I care about you and love you.

Trevor: Well what about all the other times you yell? That is okay too right, because you are just yelling because you love me, right??

Mommy: *feeling a little like shit* Well sometimes mommy yells just because I'm frustrated or angry, but no matter what I always love you.

Trevor: *and here is the BEST quote ever!* I love you always. Every minute. Every day. Every night. Always. I love you to the moon and back, and even when you are being mean yelling. I love you because it is for your own safety.

Now how can you ever top that???? He loves me! He really really loves me!! Yay!! And I love him too!! Always and forever... every minute, every hour, every day and every night. for the rest of my life and his I will always love and cherish that little boy!! :) ~ and Lauren and Brooke too, of course!! They mean the world to me just as much as Trevor does. It amazes me how people ask if you have a favorite or love one more... there is NO way to do that... your heart just opens right up and sucks them all in ... and they fill it up equally!! Sometimes I love them all so much that my heart hurts... but in a good way.

Yippee! Yay! We Hit 300 Today!!

300 th

For something very special and inspiring for my

300 th post

I give you all these...

1. Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. John Quincy Adams

2. Our destiny changes with our thought; we shall become what we wish to become, do what we wish to do, when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire. Orison S. Marden

3. Home is not where you live, but where they understand you. Christian Morgenstern

4. Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. Addison

5. Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put to practical use.

6. Time invested in improving ourselves cuts down on time wasted in disapproving of others.

7. If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.

8. Time spent in getting even would be better spent in getting ahead.

9. He who asks a question may be a fool for five minutes. But he who never asks a question remains a fool forever. Tom J. Connelly

10. You cannot teach a man anything.; you can only help him to find it for himself. Galileo Galilei

11. The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life. Robert Louis Stevenson

12. Whatever you can do, or believe you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Goethe

13. Argument is the worst sort of conversation. Jonathan Swift

14. Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Mark Twain

15. The optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious to the rose. Kahlil Gibran

16. To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. William M. Thackera

17. Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. Mark Twain

18. If you don't believe in magic. Then you can't believe in reality. Benjamin Disraeli

19. Don't worry .... Be happy! Bobby McFerrin click here to listen

20. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

21. All generalizations are false, including this one.

22. Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

23. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people don't have film.

24. Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted

25. Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.

26. Never argue with small minded people that have positions of power.

27.When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

28. Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come

29.Nobody can take away what you already know

30. Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same. Flavia Weedn

I only posted 30 here, because 300 would take me all day long... but I might post some more at a later date... but please read these. Take them in, savor every word. Copy them, post them on your blog, share them with someone you love, a family member or a friend.

Enjoy today!

Seeing GREEN!!

I think I've posted about this before on here, when Trevor is in pre-k they have a behavioral chart for all the kids. It has all their names on it and a pocket under each name with three cards in it... a red one, a yellow one, and a green one. They try to encourage good behavior and keeping the cards all on GREEN. So green means that you had a fantastic day... you made all good choices and were a model student. Yellow means that you made some not-so-great choices with your behavior, so you had little bit of a rough day but not too bad. And when on yellow you can make it back to green by having good behavior and making better choices. And then there is red. Red cards are for when you are having a really tough day, and you can't seem to make many good choices. :(

Last year Trevor went to pre-k also, and it was with the same pre-school, he went for a few hours every day, well we didn't always send him, just because he was little, it would have been too much, but he did great there. He loved it and made things and learned things and was GREAT with the other kids and made good choices all the time. :) In his class last year they had happy or sad faces. Happy if you were having a GREAT and happy day and sad face if you weren't have the best day and if you were feeling a little sad or making other people in the class sad with your behavior. Trevor only had a sad face a few times. He did really great. Things were going well, so I never thought this year there would be a big difference in his behavior at pre-school. He started off doing great. He started off being the one of the few that didn't cry and have a fit and knew what to expect with the play stations and how they worked and all that... he was an old pro. Most of the other children in his class hadn't ever been in a pre-school environment.

But, then one day it started to go down hill with the green cards and every day almost he was having red. I would talk to him about it, his dad would talk to him about it... sometimes he would loose other things at home for his behavior in school. I think mostly we were so concerned about it was because we knew he could behave much better than he was and that he had done so well last year, we weren't sure what was going on this year. Then we decided we were just beating ourselves and mostly we were being way too tough on Trevor about it. Yes behaving in school and good behavior in general is very important, but how many times should an almost 4 year old be getting in trouble for the same thing? We were beating a dead horse. It was too much. He didn't make good choices in school, and so he was put on a red card. What more needed to be done?? Nothing. We were taking it too far. And honestly what he was doing in school wasn't anything horrible or really anything that any other almost four year old wouldn't be doing also. As a matter of fact what he was "getting in trouble" for was doing what the other kids were doing. He was running around, and they were all chasing one another and they were making noises when they were supposed to be quiet and they were fooling around and "horsing around" with each other. They were being kids. It wasn't bad. They were just learning which behavior was acceptable and which was not. I was over reacting and over doing it with the behavior "issue" at school. There wasn't one. We gave up caring. If he had a green day, GREAT. If he had a yellow day well that was okay too. And, if he had a red day, we would sometimes ask him what had happened and that would pretty much be the extent of it. Oh well he had a red day, life was still going on and he was still the same perfect little guy to us, he just had an off day. We took it all with a grain of salt. We didn't over analyze it, we didn't over parent it and we didn't talk more about it after it was said.

But, low and behold Trevor figured it all out... he figured out that he can have a great day and still have fun and be praised left and right for his good choices. He has been having green days forever now. Am I proud of him. You bet your bottom dollar I am. But, the truth of the matter is that I'm proud of Trevor no matter what color day he has at school. I'm always going to be proud of him. He is a smart boy, he is funny, caring, loving, sharing, entertaining, joyful, energetic, outgoing, shy, intelligent, giving, handsome, hugging, kissing, story telling, playful and a good son, brother, grandson, nephew, friend and student. He is an EXCELLENT little boy! I love him so much! :) And I did feel this way when he was on red in school all the time too. I will ALWAYS feel this way about him. He is my boy!

So today he is off to school again, he only stayed home on Wednesday this week so it was an almost full week of school. He seems to liking school okay. He still asks me if he can stay home. Like this morning he asked me if he could please stay home with me and the girls. I told him he should go b/c today was Friday, the last day of school for the week. He then said okay and was willing to go. I hope he likes kindergarten next year. This year it was hard for me to try to make him go every day of the week. I wanted him to be home with me as much as he wanted to stay home, maybe even more. But next year, although I'll still want him around, we won't have that choice. He will be off to school, full time. Or we will have to answer to others about his where abouts and I'm almost sure that the school will not care that we just are used to being together every day and really miss each other. We'll have to work on getting adjusted to it. Thank goodness we have the entire summer to work up to go kindergarten. I have a lot of plans for our family this summer. :)

So anyway... that is the update on Trevor. He was going to school today to earn the BIG huge sticker he saw on the sticker sheet while he is teacher was giving out good behavior stickers. :) I'm sure he will be excellent today just like he has been. :)

Last night we went to Chuck E. Cheese with the kids because last time we were there it was too crowded, well it got too crowded minutes after we were there so we ate and left. We had left over tokens, so it didn't cost us anything which was kind of nice. We all had a great time. I have some pictures to post a little later in the day of our trip there. It was fun. We also went out to eat and then we ran into Sam's Club. I'm not sure about anyone else, but when I'm in there I could just shop for days. I want everything. But, then again I'm also the one who likes to have/needs to have 8 boxes of pasta and 4 huge jars of sauce and stock of EVERYTHING possible. :) It's my comfort. Not sure why. We have never run out of food and not gone shopping again. As a matter of fact, we have never had bare cabinets or even a bare shelf. lol Oh well, maybe it part OCD or something. But after Sam's Club we took our sleepy little behinds home and the kids too. :) lol

I'll try to post some pictures later during nap time from Chuck E. Cheese. I think I got some good ones. I didn't even go through them to see what I got. The pictures are of my kids so no doubt they are cute!! :)

Kisses, Ice Cream, Monkeys...

I tried to post last night, but for some reason blogger was NOT cooperating with me, I couldn't add any pictures. So then I decided to scratch that idea and go with something else, but then my computer was acting stupid... so I just scratched both ideas entirely!!

Here I am though. And I'm going to give you a full recap of what I was planning on having in my post last night ~ mostly because I don't have bupkiss for today... well at least not much and not yet.

So yesterday morning I was laying in my bed, feeling very tired still (not much sleep the night before because of coughing for a completely ridiculous amount of time aka ALL FREAKIN NIGHT LONG, then the damn sugar gliders and that freakin' wheel... UH! and then it started to pour!) and just enjoying being in my bed all comfy n cozy and not fully awake. It was nice. I had decided that I wasn't going to send Mr. Trevor to school yesterday because it was raining so hard. I wasn't planning on having him or myself soaking wet trying to get him on the bus, plus I wasn't sure how long this rain was going to last and I have been picking him up from school every day so it would have been a catastrophe trying to take the girls to get him... we had done that on Tuesday in the rain and let me just tell ya... Not Fun! So anyway, Bryan came in to say goodbye that he was leaving for work. I asked him where Trevor and Zoe were, figuring like most mornings, Trevor was already up. He said Zoe was in her cage and that Trevor was still sleeping. :) Ah, this was good. I could lay here a little while longer. I didn't hear a peep from the girls monitor and if Trevor was still sleeping that meant I had some extra time to lay there and just be lazy!!
I laid there for about 20 mins or so, a lot longer than I usually ever lay in bed in the morning, even on the weekends, I didn't sleep though, but just getting the chance to relax with peace and quiet was so heavenly. Then in creeps my little boy... trying to be quiet so he doesn't wake me up walking in, so he can then wake me up by kissing me. This is something we have done forever... Bryan or myself will pretend to be sleeping and Trevor will try everything to wake us up, he will call our names, touch us, make funny noises, move our bodies, when he was littler he would try to open our eyes... and one of us would say you have to give Mommy/Daddy a kiss to wake them up, and he would kiss us and we would with surprise wake right up. :) He would think it was the greatest thing ever... and laugh his little tushy off... as a matter of fact, he still thinks this is pretty great, and still giggles like crazy. :) He also does this in the morning with us when we are trying to get him up. He is walking so carefully and so quietly, so I quick shut my eyes. He gets to the bed, and whispers "Mommy. Moommmmyyyy. Mommy. Mommy are you awake?" I just lay there. The his sweet little self leans over and kisses me right on my forehead... and viola... my eyes open right up, happy, surprised and so anxious to see my little boy!! :) I give him a big smile and kiss him back and tell him how glad I was that he came to wake me up. We talk about how he slept last night, and what we are going to do today. I tell him he can stay home from school. He is happy. We are just laying there hugging and talking and I'm just lovin' every moment with my guy! At one point he told me "Grandpa Drew was happy when we saw him." (Bryan's grandfather that is in the hospital) and I said "of course he was happy, he got to see YOU. You always make me feel happy when I see your little face!" so then he says to me, "Does your cold feel better today?" and I said "Yeah. Every day I get a little better with it. That is how it works with a cold, it takes some time for you to feel back to yourself again." and he says "Are you feeling happy?" and I said "Yep! I'm getting to snuggle with one of my favorite boys in the entire world... of course I'm feeling happy!" and he says "Good, because I didn't want you to have to go where Grandpa Drew is." so I told him that I only had a cold and although I was feeling really sick the other day that I wasn't feeling sick enough to have to to the hospital and that even if I ever do have to go to the hospital that it wouldn't be for long time and that he could come see me, but I would be home very soon, and that Daddy would take good care of him while I was gone. But that he really didn't have to worry about that happening because I was pretty healthy. :) He still looked a little concerned, but said he understood. How sweet my little boy is, but I feel bad he was so worried about me going to the hospital. Scary thing for children to try to understand.
So we were laying there still when all of a sudden over the baby monitor I hear Brooke and Lauren talking to one another... and then I hear Lauren start to sing "No more monkeys jumping on the bed!" and then I hear Brooke singing "Mommy call doctor and doctor say..." and them both laughing their little pampered tushes off and saying together "No more monkeys jumping on the bed!!" then more laughter. They kept singing and singing their little hearts out, it was so cute! And Trevor and I were cracking up listening to them!! It was great. :)

And for the ice cream part of this post... this morning I let Trevor have a sugar cone with vanilla ice cream in it for his breakfast before he went to school. I really don't see this as a big deal. Really I don't. Ice cream has dairy in it and probably the same amount if not less sugar than some of the cereal we have in our house... so I let him have it. Half the time in the morning, well more than half the time, most mornings I can't even get him to eat any breakfast at all for me before he goes off to school, so I thought this was better than nothing. And I know I'm right. I mean I much rather him have ice cream in his little belly than nothing at all. :) And they say breakfast is the MOST important meal of the day... so there ya go... he had some breakfast! :)
So not to seem like I'm a crappy mom or anything, when the girls got up this morning and were ready for some breakfast, I made them a yummy and healthy serving of sugar cone and vanilla ice cream. You gotta be fair, ya know! :) So they are all happily fed. Trevor is probably at school by now, and the girls are watching some cartoons. :) I'm done typing this am going to go harass Bryan about doing some grocery shopping later. ;) Have a good day all!! ~ Toodles!

Thursday Thirteen!

( My 2nd Thursday Thirteen!)

Thirteen Things I LOVE about my kids!

1. I love their breath! They all still have that sweet baby breath. Even Trevor who is 4 has it and the girls have it even though they suck a binky sometimes. hmmm... I just love it.
2. I love the way their eyes and entire face lights up when they smile.
3. I love how imaginative and creative they all are!
4. I love how loving and affectionate they all are. They are that way with me and their father and they are that way with each other and other family members and close friends, they are always ready for a hug and/or kiss.
5. I love how they love one another... a bond like no other with siblings.
6. I love how they still need me so much and want me to be part of EVERYTHING they do. I'm aware of the fact that one day this will not be the case. I will then be heart broken and in need of medication and therapy.
7. I love how forgiving they are. They forgive me for not being a perfect mother, and they are pretty forgiving of one another too!
8. I love how every day they grow and change and amaze me. I fall in-love with them more and more Every. Single.Day!
9. I love how happy they are. So carefree and loving life!
10. I love how a kiss from Mommy or Daddy can make a bump or a boo boo go away just like magic... I hope that life can be that simple for them for a long time!
11. I love how perfectly their little hand fits right into mine whenever we walk any where.
12. I love how they all wait outside the bathroom door for me, if I manage to get in there without them... like they haven't seen me in years... and they all hug me like I was gone forever and not 2 mins.
13. I love EVERY. SINGLE. SOLITARY. THING. about my children. From their beautiful smiles and cuteness to their runny noses and pouting little faces, to their chubby "baby" fingers still to their knobby little knees, their soft baby fine hair to their little button nose and cute little chin, I love their pudgy little feet that sometimes smell like corn chips to their little or not so little temper tantrums, to how hard they can make us laugh and how silly they are. I love how they dance and sing and are so happy to just be. I love the way the say words in their own way, and I love the way they trust so sincerely and love so true and are so honest, Innocent and pure. They are truly amazing little miracles.

My Give-A-Damn is Busted!!

So today I was reading my usual blogs while the kids are all still sleeping, and Jenn C's blog today really hit home. "Courageous Smiles". If you have some time read it. It isn't very long and it really is worth the time.
So often I'm stuck on what other people think, what other people say. Who gives a shit? Really. Those people don't know ME, they only think they do. They don't live my life. They aren't here every day, they aren't in my head. They are only seeing from the outside. What is important to me is my family and myself. I have forgotten to make myself part of the "important people in my life" list. I need to remember that.
Lately, I haven't been the happiest person, and really what reason do I have to NOT be happy. None. My life is amazing. I need to focus on ME and what I have and not the stupid people in the world. This is my mission. I need to start having a positive outlook on life and how things work. I don't know how quickly I will be able to reach this goal in my life, but honestly I'm not worried about achieving it over night. Just being able to recognize that I need to be happy and I need to not give a damn about outsiders and their thoughts and comments is a huge step, and actually does make me happy.
They always say "If Mom isn't happy, No one is happy!" Not that I think that is truly the case, but I know my mood does affect my children and Bryan and my family. I want us to all be happy and live every day to the fullest, and the best we can make it.

My Give-A-Damn is busted!! For good! Today is a new day, and a new start to try to find a courageous smile!

Live ~ Love ~ Laugh!

What? When? Where? How?

Tonight is the night before Brooke and Lauren turn TWO YEARS OLD!!!!! I'm not sure what happened to those two years. They have just gone in the blink of an eye. I'm not sure when my babies stopped being babies and became TODDLERS. I'm also not sure at all where the time has gone from me being in the doctors office being told that baby B did rotate around to head down in such a late stage of multiple pregnancy so we could have done natural/vaginal labor BUT her fluid level was less then half so they wanted me to go to the hospital immediately to be admitted and prepped for emergency c-section, to sitting here typing about their SECOND birthdays tomorrow. I'm also not quite sure how I'm going to deal with this if time is going to continue to go this fast for the rest of their lives.

I'm not ready for two. I'm not. These are my last babies and I'm not ready for them to stop being babies and start being toddlers. I'm not. I'm not ready for Trevor to be four or for them to be two. I just don't want this to keep going this fast. I do want them to grow up and learn things and become wonderful older children, but not like this... not in the wrinkle of time. I feel like I have missed so much. I feel cheated. I feel like they have been cheated. Although I can remember so many moments from the day they were born till now, like I can with Trevor, I just feel like I have to be missing some for it to already be two years that they are here.
They are the almost the same age (tomorrow) that Trevor was when I had them. I can't believe it. Trevor turned two and a week later I had Lauren and Brooke.

Baby A~ Miss Lauren Ashley was born at 9:18 PM ~ she was beautiful, although I didn't get to see her for very long... I had to still get out Baby B~ Brooke.

Baby B~Miss Brooke Madison was born at 9:56 PM ~ she was beautiful as well, she looked just like Trevor. It was amazing to me that she and Trevor looked almost exactly alike when they were brand new. In baby pictures, Brooke and Trevor look like they are or could be the twins, almost identical and Lauren looks like she would be the singleton. Although now, everyone says how much Lauren looks like Trevor, although I'm sure it is just because they have the same shape face, sort of, and Lauren has short-ish hair. Don't get my wrong, they all do look alike and they all look just like their father. I'm telling ya... carry them for nine months, give birth to them, and they come out looking like their dads. Some how that just doesn't seem right. ;)

We have been working on understanding who is having a birthday tomorrow. I keep asking the girls who's birthday is tomorrow, or I would say Saturday, and they kept on either saying "Trevor!!" or they would just say " Birthday!" and some times just start singing "happy birthday to you"! : ) Too cute!! Just too freakin' cute I tell ya!!

When you ask them how old they are going to be, Lauren says "two" and Brooke says "two, five, six" LOL I guess she is jumping the gun just a little bit. I mean who needs to be 3 or 4... come on now... EVERYONE who is anyone knows that 3 & 4 are completely over rated. LOL!!

Well since I have the living room decorated and the presents wrapped, well most of them, I have two more to do... and the kids are all sleeping.. yeah even Bryan is sleeping. I guess I should head in that direction too!! I can't wait to get up in the morning and have the girls see their decorations and all the balloons and their presents. We got them a joint gift, hopefully it will go over well. It is big enough for the two of them, but we'll see. It is a Dora Vanity. AND, Oh My Goodness they are sooooooooooooooo into DORA!! She rules their world!! LOL and some other things, like My Little Ponies and some blocks and a movie and I don't know what else. But anyway.. I'm sure I will have a few pics of them opening presents tomorrow when they wake up.
My babies are growing into REAL toddlers tonight while they sleep. I cannot believe it has been two fast, flying by years since I had them and brought them home and was scared to death to have two little babies at the same time, while Trevor was still so little and needed so much of my time and attention... but as I look back... I think I handled three of them pretty well and Trevor is very affectionate and a really great well rounded child so I think I did pretty good with him still and the girls seem happy and healthy and well so it is looking good so far!! :)

I'm truly blessed for all I have in my life starting with my children, and the rest of my family!! I couldn't imagine life for one second without any one of them. I love my life, I love my kids, I love Bryan... things are good!!

I'll be back tomorrow or some time to post some more about the birthday events for the girls and also about their big birth day!! : )

peace.

Up Late...

I cannot believe that it is already a quarter to two in the morning and I'm still up. It has been a long time since I was up this late/early... how ever you want to look at it.

I just got done decorating my living room for Trevor's birthday tomorrow. Mind you, this is not for his party... this is just for him. I knew he would love it. :)

I also want to add that it took me longer to make these and put them up then it did for me to actually push him out. LOL

This time that it is right now is about the time that I was getting admitted to the hospital to have Trevor. He was born at 7:10 AM. My water broke in the car about 3/4 of the way to the hospital. Not really that fun, but I didn't even know exactly what had happened. Now, when I look back and remember the entire trip was quite funny. :D

I would do it a million times over again too... just to end up with this perfect little boy that I have now. : )

So here are some pics of the decorations... please don't be too harsh with the comments, I know they are juvenile... but my son is only going to 4 I have time to improve on my art skills in the next few years. And, yes, I will be decorating the living room next weekend for Lauren and Brooke's birthdays. : )

My Little Boy

Tomorrow, September 29th, my little boy will be FOUR years old. I can hardly believe it. Really! I can't. It just seems like yesterday I found out on Super Bowl Sunday that I was pregnant, and then standing in my parents kitchen, telling them I was pregnant too. Then Bryan and I called his family and told them all. We were so happy. Finally, we were going to have a baby!! We couldn't have been happier.
I remember each of those moments like they just happened yesterday, or this morning. Now look, my little man is going to be four. He can spell and write his name. He knows his phone number and is away from me for 6 1/2 hours Monday through Friday, for the first time ever. :( He is getting so big. He is wearing size 5T jeans/pants and size 5-6 shirts, and I even got him a few Nike jackets that are size 7 and fit him well. He is also getting smarter every day too. Of course, he is still just as handsome as he started out four years ago, or maybe even cuter, if that is at all possible. Yeah.... if you can't tell... I'm still in-love with this little guy.
I remember holding him for the first time, and thinking just how amazing he was. Just looking at that beautiful little face and knowing that he was always going to be perfect to me and every day he would amaze me more and more. I couldn't have been more right.
Today, we let Trevor play hooky from school... I kind of thought about doing it and mentioned it to Bryan, but then thought that he should go and I wouldn't mention it. Then morning came, and while Trev was finishing waking up and watching some morning cartoons, I asked him what he wanted to wear to school today... pants or shorts. And he said that he wanted to just stay home and hang out... could he please have a day off?. Well what do you say to that... also it was accompanied by the cutest little face. So I told him he had to call Daddy and ask him... and of course his Dad gave in. You know you wouldn't be able to resist giving in to that sweet little voice pleading with you for a day off from school... please. : )
So we hung out and had a GREAT day. The kids all seemed to get along pretty good, and we even did an arts and crafts project... we painted pumpkins that we got when we were camping. They had an awesome time decorating them... but one word to the wise about this... IF you are planning on doing this with your children... which I highly recommend... it was fun... but if you use Crayola Washable paint... then do NOT and I repeat... DO NOT put your pumpkins outside to dry when it is going to be torrential down pours in less then 20 mins. Ummm.. yeah. Brooke and Lauren's pumpkins are almost all washed off... Trevor had his paint more spread out... so his dried faster and most of his paint stayed on. We could just rinse them totally clean and paint them again, since we did have such a good time the first time. Grandma, said just call this first time a trial run. :D
I totally enjoyed my day with the kids, and I was so glad to have Trevor home. I really do miss him like crazy when he is at school... I think about him all day long, and wonder how his day is going and if he is having fun and a good day... if he is happy. Which I think he is... and I really hope he is... but you know us mom's we have to worry. I love having him home with me!!! :)
So right now the girls are in bed, and Trevor and I have been watching a few movies... we watched Flushed Away with the girls and now we are watching Shrek... I keep on typing during commercial breaks... but I'm going to end this post now and go cuddle with my baby. My big boy, turning four tomorrow, but will always be my baby boy...
Plus, I want to give him this time, because soon he is going to bed, so I can decorate the house for him to wake up to tomorrow morning... I want to put up some balloons and stuff... I'll probably take some pictures of it... because you know me. LOL anyway... I gotta go get some cuddles in .

How Sweet it is to be Loved by You!!

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~~These pictures just melt my heart!!! Day two of napping in BIG girl beds... they did this on their own. I put them in there for naps and let them be. They played a while, more quiet today then yesterday and when it was totally quiet, I went in to check them, and this is what I found. : )

Officially 3 1/2!!!

So I missed it by a day... to post Trevor's actual half birthday mark... yesterday he turned 3 1/2 officially! ; ) Actually I feel lately like I have been missing a lot of things.... and not just in this blog... in LIFE! I'm feeling kind of bad about it and I know I should be. : ( I have three amazing children! Trevor is the cutest ~ most loving, happy, smiling, full of energy, smart, outgoing, funny, clever, WONDERFUL little boy I have ever met... his is a dream! Lauren is just such a little princess.... with a wild side! She is beautiful, smart, funny, shy, loving, concerned, serious... she is just so WONDERFUL! Brooke is a little princess too, but with a little bit more of a wild side. She is so beautiful, funny, outgoing, silly, loving, a little ham, mommy's girl... she is just so WONDERFUL!

I know all this and I know it all the time, but I don't always have it in the fore front of my mind. I don't do things with them that I should and when I do it is only for a few minutes and I'm rushing to do something else. : ( I hardly ever just play with them... I hardly ever let them do what they want to do and make a mess and just deal with it... I need to do that more. I'm wasting precious time with them worrying about having to clean up later... so what. Our house is not a hospital, it doesn't have to be immaculant... it is what it is... and to us it is HOME... I should just let things be for a day, at least one day, and just love you and play with you and not worry about a thing... but seeing you all smile. I love to see them smile and have their eyes light up and be so happy and excited... I love that so much! They are my world, but lately I have been letting everything else dictate when and what I am going to do with them... like laundry and dishes and this damn computer... and it is terrible! I don't want to be that kind of mom... I don't want to be and they don't deserve that... they are all so amazing and they deserve better then I am giving them... they need and should have more from me. I want to be a better mom, and I'm going to be a better mom! I wanted them, I couldn't live without them, and I love them more then life itself and it is time to show that. So I'm going to get my ass off this computer and stop typing on here, b/c I can do this later... and while everyone is napping.. I'm going to do whatever I have to have done for later... so that when they wake up I can just be with them, and LOVE them, and play with them... I'm starting today to be a better mom!

A special visit

Sometimes things happen in your life that you are so grateful for... people come into your life and make it that much greater. You love, you are happy. You loose you are sad... but all in all you are still glad that you had the opportunity to love. To have the feeling of complete happiness and joy. I have two brothers who mean the world to me, I love them so much... and of course would do anything for them, and they bring me much happiness... I also have another brother and a sister in the world that mean the same to me. We may have missed some time here and there, but in my heart I have always loved them... and I know no time. These are some pictures of my brother Carlos and his girlfriend Ariel. I haven't seen Carlos since he was 8 yrs old, he is now 21 yrs old... it has been a long journey... but finally we got to see him again. It was the greatest feeling! I really hope that one day we get to see Jessica, my sister, again.

Trevor was too busy playing to take a picture with Carlos and Ariel... but here is Brooke and Lauren with them. We all had such a great visit... it was so wonderful to sit and talk about all the fun times we had, and to see where life has taken him and what he is doing now, and the man he has become. He is handsome and a really good person, with a great heart and spirit. I'm proud of him, and so glad that we are now going to stay in touch with each other.

Everything in your life, good or bad, happens for a reason...