Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Well, Jennifer and Trevor. Or actually Mommy and Trevor. : ( So today I had some of my heart just riped right out my chest and broken into millions of pieces. Today was a rough start. I'm still feeling horrible about it.
Bryan got up this morning and off for work, like usual. He was having something bothering him too. Last night he found a lump right under is rib cage, that moved around some, and was really hard. Interesting enough, he had never felt this before, and we were both very concerned. He had found it the night before while laying in bed. His stomach muscles have been bothering him, and as a result of that he discovered this. Well good news is that he had me make him a doctors appointment today, which is a rare thing for Mr. Bryan. He NEVER EVER goes to the doctors, even when you know he should and he knows he should and the rest of the world knows he should... he won't. So I knew he was scared/nervous/concerned about this... but he got right in this morning and they said he is okay. It is just his sternum bone, and the reason he maybe having such bad stomach pains and aches is just muscle tension. Thank God, everything is alright.
So I got his appointment made, called him about it, made Trevor's lunch, got Trevor up and moving with some cereal, got him dressed right away because he was cold. Got Lauren and Brooke up, who would have slept a while longer, feed them some breakfast, then got them dressed, and we were out the door. It was crummy and raining and just a sucky day. : (
The rain stinks, but the real reason that I'm having a Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad day is because, my little boy cried horrible when I left him at preschool today. I just can't even tell you how bad I felt. I was heartbroken. I barely held it together while I was walking down the hall from his class to leave. The girls were even saying... "Trevor" "Trevor" and Lauren said "Trevor crying", they were looking back around the sides of the stroller, concerned. I heard him all the way down the hall way. I can't believe still that I just walked away while he was crying and calling for me. It riped my heart out. He has NEVER called for me, crying like that.. not ever, and he has never had to call for me, and me walk away. I feel so guilty for leaving him when he needed and wanted me so much. I feel like a horrible mom. I know he is fine at school and that he really likes going there, and has a great time. I love his teacher Ms. Sandy and his teachers aid, Ms. LaPolt, they are awesome, and I'm sure the other teacher's helper/aid who is actually a certified preschool teacher is great too, but I just feel so bad that was calling and crying for me, and I just turned my back and walked away.
What kind of mother turns her back and just walks away while her child is calling for her and crying and screaming... "Mommy, don't leave me!" " Mommy, please don't leave me!" "Mommy I want to go with you!" "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Mommy, Please!" I can still hear his voice crying out for me. : (
I did what any mother would do, I called my mom! I was crying then too, and told her what happened, and she said to call the school and if he was still upset then to just go get him. I had already planned on calling the school as soon as I got home and had the girls in the house and wasn't crying. I got control of myself pretty quickly, and called them. They were very nice, and Luanne in the main office took a note down to the classroom to have them call me. Ms. LaPolt called me in a few minutes. She said that she had just gotten Trevor calmed down and they had wiped his face with a cool washcloth because he was sweaty and crying, and that he was fine. He was sitting in morning group circle with the other kids and was doing GREAT. She said that they love him there, and that he is doing really good in the class. He is wonderful and they have no problems with him at all, and they just think he is so sweet and smart and just a great little boy. She said that sometimes they have to speak to him, of course because he is a kid, but only once and he does whatever they say.
So, today is going really slow! Dragging! I guess because I'm anxious now to go get Trev from school. I have been missing him while he has been at school the 4 days he has gone, but today is a lot harder and a lot more worrying about him too! I was missing him, worrying and concerned the first day, because I wasn't sure of how he would do and if he would like it and all that... but he LOVED it! : ) He is a tough little guy and can handle most anything, well for an almost 4 year old, so when he cries, I get really concerned. I hope he is having a good day.
So today is Wednesday, things got crazy here with the girls and all, so I didn't get to finish my post... but I'll fill you all in now.
The girls didn't nap very long for me, they were in their room playing and apparently taking each others clothes and pampers off, because when I went to get them up to go get Trevor from school, they were both naked. Thankfully they were both dry, and surprisingly they were both in their own beds, but naked. LOL :D I have decided to think this is funny, because there isn't much of anything else I can do about it. They had only slept for maybe 40 minutes, this is about 50-80 minutes less then they normally nap for me. I knew I was in for a long afternoon. I hate having to wake them up from their naps at all, but I have to to pick Trevor up from school. There is no other choice right now. But, I was also anxious to get my boy and see how his day was.
I got to the school and I could have ran to his class I was so happy that the end of the day had come already, but I kept control of myself and I walked... school hallway rules! LOL Anyway, I get to his room and he is there with a BIG smile for me, and ready to go home. I was happy to see him too! We hugged. His teachers said that he didn't have such a great day. He didn't cry anymore, but he didn't listen at all either. They said he was pretty wired, and wound up. Not sure why. They didn't seem too concerned. They said that maybe he was just having a bad day... from the morning and all I'm thinking maybe they were right. He also, didn't nap at all, which he had been doing since the second day of school.
As we were walking out of the school, I said to Trevor, that I was glad to see him, and glad that it was the end of the day for him to come home with me. : ) He told me, he was mad at me for leaving him with out saying goodbye and also for leaving him there all alone. : ( I felt horrible. BUT I did tell him goodbye, and I told him that too. He didn't want to talk to me, or talk about school all the way home, all 5 mins that is. Oh, he also told me, that he wasn't going to live with me anymore, he was going to go where every Daddy went. By the way, his father and I are married and live together, so that I thought was a little bit funny, although I didn't dare laugh at all. I was upset that he was mad at me, but proud of him for speaking his feelings, instead of acting out. I told him this too, of course. He still wasn't talking to me.
Thank GOD it wasn't long that we were home, until Bryan got home! I had a house full of crying cranky little kids! The girls were really bad, it was just one big crying fest... nothing made them happy! UH!
Bry and Trevor had a private talk in his room about what a big boy he is and how he gets to go to school and how he has to go to school when Daddy has to go to work. Then I found out that he only has to go to school today and is off for 4 days! That made him happy!
This morning we made sure that he had on the right ears for school... not silly ones, or ones that don't listen, but good boy ears that listen to Mommy and the teachers. One was the right one, but the other one, we had to change. We had to dig through the toy box for a few seconds to find it... but it was all worth it. : )
I was really happy, like OVERLY happy this morning and we were all being silly and crazy and happy. Talking about school and getting ready. I let Trevor pick his own shirt today, which I do sometimes anyway... but especially today I let him. They were all slow with breakfast but I let it slide, I just got them dressed faster then normal and tried to stay positive about everything! : ) On the way to school we talked about how we were going to take Trevor to his class and leave him there, the girls would just have to come home and be bored, until we get to go get Trevor later. Things like that. We got there, we all got out, we went in the school and to the classroom and in and did the morning routine, and he was good. He was asking me to stay a little longer to watch him color. I told him I could stay for a few seconds while he traced three letters, but then I had to leave. He was okay with that. : ) I'm glad that we had a good morning this morning! I hope it sets a trend for the rest of his day! : )
So that is all for now. I'm going to eat some breakfast and spend some time with the Lauren and Brooke!
Posted by Jennifer at 11:22 AM