Something NEW!!

So I was just sitting here, still in my pajamas... yeah. shut up!! I even left the house today and still wore them! Oh well. But, anyway this isn't the point... well part of it, but not totally. The point is this... I am a mom. A mom of three. Three wonderful kids. Kids that... yeah, it was annoying me too!! The "kids" one was a joke... but anyway.. we all get it, I'm a mom. Yep, that's me. BUT before being a mom and when I'm on "break" from being a mom, I'm a really FUN-lovin' kinda girl!! I used to actually get dressed EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!! Yeah... every one!! I used to shower EVERY.DAY. before 10 or 11 at night... I used to BRUSH my teeth and my hair BOTH in the same day... and usually in the morning before 9AM. I was freakin' awesome!! :D
I also used to party and hang out and go to clubs, and dance and drink and have a freakin' grandiose time!! I lived life. I had a life to live. I was happy. Not that I'm not happy now, but I'm Ms. Frumpymommypajamapants!! Some things haven't changed all that much from having kids, but they aren't really the **good** things. They are things like still having a temper, still yelling, still holding a grudge like, for EVAH!! Those are some things that I would like to change and the one thing that is the most IMPORTANT and the biggest problem is that I curse like a truck driver!! I really want to stop, but mostly I NEED to stop. It is horrible to say... or admit but my kids curse. How can I blame them... really they hear it primarily from me. It is shameful. I'm sorry that they have to hear it and learn that just b/c their Mommy says it doesn't mean it is nice and/or okay for them to say it too. How horrible. You are you kids teacher. They learn from YOU!! DUH!! Haven't I been paying attention at all??? Don't I watch the after school specials?? Dammit... I suck!! I have to get this under control! It is like I constantly have tourette syndrome or something worse even!! Shit! It is bad! Today my son, who is 4 said "Lauren did you just fart, or did you SHIT your pants??" He said it like it was part of every day life to say shit. This isn't acceptable in our home, but what can I really do... What I really can do is STOP cursing myself... then he will learn not to say it too!
So this is going to be the only place I can curse... we'll see how it goes... I hope this will work. Well really I have to make it work.. there are no more choices or chances this is IT!!
So before I leave here right now... let me just get out a big ol'

Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucker, shithead, asshole, DAMMIT, bastard, OH FUCK!! shit, crap, DAMMIT all to hell... mother fucking shit!!

Okay... I know it is really shocking and really horrible to read... but these are things that sometimes comes out of my mouth. (*sometimes is an understatement*) (hanging my head in shame) I'm no longer going to curse out loud. :) Pinky Promise!! After I have managed this for a little while then I'm going to work on some other issues such as yelling and temper and all those good things. Yeah I really do need some theapy and counceling, but I can't afford it. :D

*** also please don't leave me comments on what a horrible mother I am for cursing in front of my kids... I judge myself enough... I really don't need any criticism... but thank you anyway for your thoughtfulness. ***