Thursday, February 28, 2008

Thursday Thirteen ~ for the 2nd time today!

Here are 13 random things I thought I would share:
1. Bryan's grandfather is not doing well at all. He was moved from the hospital to a nursing home, while waiting for him to get stronger, and for a blood clot to dissolve from in his heart before doing the heart surgery. While at the nursing home his health deteriorated greatly, he has a horrible infection, and is now back in the hospital in Spring Valley, but this time in the ER. Not sure why they ever had him go to a nursing home to begin with.
The most recent update is that they are going to treat the infection he has,
and then send him home. He will never be strong enough, or healthy enough to have the surgery. This sucks!!
2. Bryan is back to being grumpy with me again. This tells me he is worried and upset.
3. I don't know what to say or do to make Bryan feel better.
4. There is little to say or to do to make a situation like this better, if there is even a "better" during a time like this.
5. I'm confused as to why no one questioned, and or protested him leaving the hospital in the first place. He seemed to be doing a little bit better.
6. Hospitals and doctors suck sometimes! Not always and I am appreciative for them both, but sometimes things just suck!! I'm also sure that this isn't really the doctors the the hospitals fault, but it just feels better to say that.
7. At least Drew will get to go home, he thought he wouldn't ever leave the hospital.
8. Family heart disease scares the SHIT out of me.
9. I hope that Bryan can get his health under better control.
10. I've been through too much death to watch someone else die, I want to be there for everyone, but I also want to just run away from it too.
11. I hate nursing homes, but I'm sad that we didn't' get to see him while he was there, it would have been one more time to get to see him.
12. I don't want to have to tell my kids about their great-grandpa, or talk to them about sickness and dying.
13. I'm hoping and praying for a miracle that he will some how pull through, get strong and be able to have his surgery, then that he will be happy and healthy and we can all breath easier.


clickmom said...

So sorry to hear that you are having such a bad sick relative time too. Watching someone you love go through al that pain and confusion is tremendously difficult and for me, at least, the best thing anyone can do is let me rant, give me a hug and let me know they understand how hard it all is.

clickmom said...

So I read you, (((HUG))), it sucks, it really does. I'll remember your GFIL in my prayers.

Annie said...

Ugh...lots of hugs to you. Sickness for family members sucks big time. I'm hoping for a miracle for you too...

Crystal said...

So sorry to hear about your hubby's granddad. Sometimes you just have no words to express how badly you want to take away the pain and worry. Sometimes all you can do is just put your arms around them and tell them how much you love them.

We all deal with life and death differently. We all want to have some kind of "control" during these times. The fact that we CAN'T control the natural order of things, so to speak, makes us a little frantic at times. You WANT to make things better. You WANT to know exactly what to do or say to calm and reassure your loved ones that it'll be alright.

Sometimes sweet, the best thing you can do is just to be there for them. If that means being there for his granddad, your hubby or other family members. But and this is a BIG but. DON'T FORGET ABOUT YOURSELF. So many times through out our lives as women, mothers and wives, we forget to mentally take care of our selves. To have someone tell YOU that they love you and to put their arms around YOU just to let you know they are there for you.

My grand mothers experience was somewhat like this one. I felt the same way with my grandmother before she passed on. She needed heart surgery but the doc's wouldn't allow it because she wasn't healthy enough. They told her that if she started exercising to build up her strength and started eating healthy that she would survive the surgery. The way it was she wouldn't make it. 3 months went by and she went back for another review telling them she was healthier when I knew she wasn't. She got the surgery.

When I found out, I knew what she had done. Everyone was happy with her decision. The day of the surgery I was late getting there. I walked in and everyone yelled at me to run, they were wheeling her into surgery that moment. I ran.

I caught them as they were just at the door to surgery. I grabbed her hand crying, asking her why she was doing this. She looked up with a tear running down her cheek and the most loving smile on her face. At that moment I knew for certain what she had planned.

She knew as well as I did that she wouldn't survive, if she was going to die she wanted it peaceful. She had heart problems and knew she would probably die of a heart attack and was scared to death of it. At that moment I hugged her and told her that she wasn't coming back, was she. It wasn't a question as much as I just had to hear her say the words. She never answered that statement, just smiled. And, she never came out of surgery.

I believe that the older we get the more tired we get, mentally. The body ages but the mind stays the same in some people. Those people are just mentally ready to go.

My grandfather was like this and he would talk about it at times to make me understand his readiness to leave. I was present for both deaths and felt very selfish as well because I felt the same as you. Your not alone in your feelings sweet.

I'm not telling you this to scare you. I'm telling you this because it's okay to want to scream at the world sometimes because we get so frustrated about things. I hope to God that he comes out of this healthier, happier and lives many more years to come.

Hang in there girl. We're all here for you if you need us too;o)

Stephanie said...

My grandmother was sent home from the ER before they found out what was srong with her. A few days later my mom flew to FL to be with her, ended up taking her back to the ER only to find out she had been bleeding from her brain. We are very lucky she has almost fully recovered, but she has lost some vision because of it.

Sorry to hear your realtive is so sick. It sucks and I know it can be hard with the kids and letting them know. When my grandpa died Lilly was 6 and Aidan 3 and they really didn't react very much, but I was told it's pretty normal. I know the next death will be harder now that Lilly is 8 and Aidan 6.

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