Eight Years...

It was one of those days, the kind where you wake up and know it will be a bad day. The kind of day when you hug the pillow tight and curl up in your blankets hoping that you really don't have to get up, ever.

It was a Friday, and it was October 13th, my morning was starting off on the wrong foot for many reasons. I was dealing with a lot of things that I wanted to just tuck away and pretend weren't there. For some reason though I got up out of bed that morning and decided to deal with everything head on. I was going to make it through the day. Even if it was just for today that I was going to survive, I was going to do it.

I got up, took a shower, got dressed and walked out of the house. That in itself was accomplishing a lot. It was hard to walk away from that house, from that part of my life, from all that was inside. But I did. I had to. I also had to face the rest of the dreaded day ahead of me.

I got in the car, started it, and just sat there for a minute with my eyes closed praying that I would be able to hold it together and get through this. I put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. I drove, although I don't remember any of the drive, to meet up with a friend of mine. I parked and got out of the car, my mind in million other places. Got in his truck and off we went.

It was a quiet ride. Not sure really what to say to one another. Still in shock, I suppose. We had only heard the news a few days ago. Our good friend, who was a good friend to many, had passed away. He had been on a motocross bike practicing and had a collision with another rider. They were both okay. Or so they thought. He refused to go to the hospital to be checked out, instead he got back on his bike and off he went. Ten minutes later, he collapsed. He passed away on that practice track. He wasn't alone, his children were there, and he was surrounded by friends as well. It was horrible. No one could believe that someone so full of life and spunk could just go that fast.

I was bar tending when I got the call. I just stood there. I was unable to even speak. I know I stayed and finished up my night at the restaurant but I can't even tell you anything about that night. I drove home and I was just in such shock that my friend had passed away. Such unexpected news, I really thought of him as invincible.

We arrived at the church. You wouldn't even begin to imagine the number of cars and people that came from all over and all walks of life to say goodbye to their dear friend and give their condolences to his wife and children and other family. We parked and started to walk in. Flashing through my mind is all the times I have entered this same scene. The smell of the church the sound of people reminiscing and crying. I try to block out my old memories of all the others I have had to say goodbye to. It will be hard enough to get through the present without reliving the past.

I suck it up, and go on. We all listen to the Father preach and pray for our friend and also for his family and friends. We sit in silence. We repeat the words we are told to repeat and we bow our heads in prayers.

We leave and head to the cemetery. The cold, lonely, cemetery. No matter how many people were there that day, it still was so lonely it felt as if there was no one in the world with me any more, let alone by his grave side. Again, a feeling I'm unfortunate to be familiar with. There are more words spoken, I hear them, but I can't let them in. His wife is crying and holding on to her children. My heart breaks even more. So unfair for him to be taken so soon. To be taken from his family, to be taken from his friends, to be taken away from this world where he wasn't done making his mark.

We are back in the truck. We head to a gathering at the local fire house to have some food and find comfort in being with others that are mourning our same loss. It seems impossible to think that anything will bring comfort at at time like this. But we all seem to loosen up some, talking fondly and laughing about memories of our good friend.

I see someone that I know, someone I went to school with. Actually my ex-high school boyfriend and I went to prom with him and his girlfriend, who last I heard were still together. I go over to say hi. I ask him how he is doing and what is going on in his life. I ask him were his GF is... I was surprised that she wasn't there. He says that they weren't together any more. More surprises. They were together all through out high school and then after high school as well. But things didn't work out for them so he was there alone. We talked for a while, although he was kind of quiet, I had no problem filling in the voids. I was happy to keep my mind from the events of early that day... the leaving in the morning with no intentions of going back and the funeral.

It ended up that we were all going to go out to dinner and maybe drinks some where after this. The friend that I went with originally and the friend that we met up with. We all loaded up and headed off. We talked on the way to dinner, it was nice to catch up with them. We ate at Ruby Tuesdays in the mall, where I tried to hook up my newly single friend with the waitress. It was pretty entertaining because he is very shy and I, on the other hand, am not. Not at all. We left the restaurant with no numbers having been exchanged and headed to go to a club for some drinks. Not feeling guilty at all, because this is exactly the way our friend would have wanted things to go... he was a party kind of guy. He would not have wanted us to sit around and cry, he would want us to celebrate him and the way he would have wanted to have a good time.

We had a good night and when all was said and done, the friend from school said he would drive me to my car, since the other friend had to work in the morning. We get to my car and say good night and that we should hang out again sometime. I try to find my keys only to realize that I don't have them. They are in my other friends truck. We call his cell. No answer. We can't call his house at this hour. (around 3:30 AM) We drive to his house to see if his truck in unlocked and sure enough it wasn't. I had no way to get home. Well other than my friend driving me all the way out to my parents house. So instead I call my house and tell my parents that I won't be home, I left my keys with someone else and have no way to get them, that I'll just stay the night at my other friends house.

So that night we tried to sleep on an air mattress that the cat had punctured so there was no way to keep the air in it... meaning that there was no way to really sleep on it. The house was empty because of the recent breakup... so we headed off to his mother's house, were we slept in a camper there. NOTHING at all happened. I'm not that kind of girl and he wasn't/isn't that kind of guy... and also I wasn't sure what was going on with the relationship that I had walked away from the morning.

I'm sure his family thought it was pretty interesting to see me there in the morning, but whatever. We headed off in search of finding my car keys. We had to drive to where my friend was working to get them out of his truck. We ended up spending the rest of the day together and then having dinner together as well. So this is the beginning of the story that is written here, the story of my life with Bryan. He was the friend from school that I knew. And as it worked out we didn't spend one, single, solitary day or night apart from each other until Christmas Eve, when we both thought that we should be home with our families. Who would have ever thought that you could really find true love at a funeral??