Thursday, July 10, 2008

Is It Wrong???

Is is wrong to think and worry that every. single. person. may do harm to your children? I said may. I'm not accusing the entire world of being pedophiles or anything like that. But, seriously I get the most uneasy feeling when certain people are near my children or playing with my children.
It cannot be that all these people really have issues, can it?? It must be me. But, I can't take that chance. What sucks is that I get it a lot. "it" being the feeling that someone is being too friendly with my children, or they just creep me out in some way, and then that is it. I no longer trust them what-so-ever with my children. I don't want them to play with them, touch them in any manner, talk to them, or be in the same area as them.
This can cause some awkwardness because I'm not shy about these feelings. I usually don't come right out and tell the person what I think of them, well not yet at least. BUT I will NOT leave my children alone with them for even a split second, I make sure that I deter my children from playing with them or near them, I don't usually communicate with them much after I get that feeling. The reason I'm so passionate about it and that I really don't care who notices or knows my feelings is because I cannot and will NOT take the chance of someone doing something to my children. I couldn't image what that would be like for them, and I refuse to take any chances with it.
Just now, the kids were outside playing so nicely on the swing set... they were all in the bottom in the "club house" part... having a really nice time, and getting along so well. the girls are in their undies, b/c they were in the kiddy pool and Trevor is fully dressed, shirt and shorts. I know they were playing so nicely b/c I was outside taking laundry off the line and putting another load out. I usually allow them to be outside even if I'm not going to stay out there because I'm in and out and CONSTANTLY checking on them, and they don't usually stay out there too long with out someone coming in for a drink, potty, to see what I'm doing, to have me come watch some trick they can do, or to tattle. ONLY this time there is someone weed whacking by the horse pasture, which is the neighboring property to us. I don't know who it is, and I really don't care, but I just had a feeling like this person could maybe take one of my children or lure all three of them off with him... so that was that... I made them all come in the house... until I can go back out with them. They were hot and sandy so they were pretty happy to come inside and have some ice tea and popcorn anyway...
But do you all think there is something wrong with me?? OR is this normal parent behavior. Please be honest.

* this goes a lot deeper with my thoughts and fears for my children, but it would take way to long to type it all out... especially for today... maybe another day I will go deeper with it.


Angela said...

Oh, Jenn - don't worry!

To me, in my head, this is normal parent behavior. I too worry constantly. And it's sad and difficult because you never know who to trust especially today.

I think it's hard to compare yourself to others though. Everyone has different parenting techniques and ideals. But I am right there with you! Besides, these are your beautiful children! They are too precious not to worry about!

Allie Bear said...

I think as a mother if you get a feeling about someone you should follow your instincts. With that said, if you are having this feeling way too often and you realize that maybe it is a bit over the top you should start reflecting on why you feel this way. I think its sad that this day and age we have to constantly worry about our kids getting raped, killed or kidnapped but unfortunately that is the times we are living in. It's good to be protective of your children to a degree but you have to make sure that you aren't keeping them from dealing with certain situations. If they are never put in an uncomfortable situation with a stranger then they will never know how to react. I'd talk to them about what is and isn't appropriate behavior from an adult and keep an eye on them, that's all you can do.

Stephanie said...

If you don't feel comfortable, then trust your gut feelings. My kids aren't allowed outside here at our house because we don't have a fence, we live near a semi-busy street and woods. I worry all the time about them being taken, which is why I never leave them alone. Which I know is strange because I was allowed to run amuck at their ages. But times change and it sucks for the kids nowadays. Really crime against children hasn't jumped that significantly just the media coverage of it has. I cringe everytime I read the news, I find myself practically in tears over children I didn't know.

I am with you on fearing for my children. If anything happened to one of them I would blame myself. I don't think everyone is a threat though but people I do think are I keep a very close eye on them. My kids are overly friendly and while it scares me I don't want to discourage their outgoing nature. I am a very shy person, so I would prefer they be more outgoing. But that means I have to keep an even closer eye on them when we are out and about.

So I don't think you are crazy or over protective, just a good mom looking out for her kids.

Indy said...

You are completely normal. I feel the same way. You have to trust yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself. Better to trust yourself and get out of situation than regret it later. Trust your instincts even if you feel paranoid. You are usually right!

On a side note, when I was a kid, I went crazy during a dentist visit. My mom was horrified. I was referred then to a pediatric dentist instead. Come to find out years later that the dentist was a pedaphile and was put in jail. Trust your gut and your children's!

Kellan said...

I don't think it is unreasonable to be careful. You have to follow YOUR instincts! Most people are not out to hurt children - but it is impossible to know who would or wouldn't and it is up to YOU to protect your own children the best way you can!

Take care - Kellan

Pregnantly Plump said...

It's not wrong to want to protect your children! I can't imagine anyone thinking that following your instincts is wrong.

Annie said...

I'm not a parent, but I hear my friends that are all the time say to trust your gut - if something doesn't feel right, then I don't think it's unreasonable to remove your kids from that situation immediately.

One of my friends told me about being in Bed, Bath and Beyond recently - she was unloading her cart, and her son was in the seat part...all of a sudden she heard the woman behind her say "Oh, maybe he shouldn't have candy", and she turned to see her withdrawing a peanut M&M from him.

Um...1. Do you really think it's appropriate to feed a child under age two candy without asking the mom? 2. WTF??? and 3. Do you think it ever crossed this woman's mind that the boy might be allergic to peanuts?

My friend was livid. People are so dumb. With instances like that, I would be way paranoid too.

Rhea said...

I think this is normal for a mom...and I think the feelings receed as your kids get older.

We have that mommy protectiveness, and it's a good thing, usually.

LceeL said...

Better safe than sorry.

Jennifer said...

Thank you all for your comments. I guess all in all you agree that as a parent/mother you have to just TRUST YOUR GUT/INSTINCT!!

I probably knew that all along, but it is nice to have some validation to my "craziness". :)

Angela ~ It is hard to know you can trust these days!! this is the battle I always have over and over in my head. Scary. :)

Allie ~ I think I should try to figure our why I'm feeling this way... I have gotten this feeling only about 2 specific people the other times I'm just paranoid in general. So maybe it isn't too over the top. Maybe I just need to stop watching Date Line NBC.

Stephanie ~ I agree that I shouldn't be too over (bearing) protective of them or they could maybe start to sense that and become extremely shy or withdrawn. They are semi shy now, and take a while to warm up. But once they are more comfortable they are a three ring circus act and very friendly and entertaining. As I said before I have only felt this way about 2 specific people, and then just general worry! So it isn't that I'm always pulling them away from social situations/activities. But hopefully as they get older I will feel more comfortable... b/c they will be able to make judgements also, and be more talkative if there is something uncomfortable.

Indy ~ Oh my goodness... I guess what they say about children being able to read people the BEST is true. I'm sorry that you had a bad experience that trip to the dentist but that you nothing horrible happend to you from that asshat!! what a horrible person. I hope he is rotting in prison.
I am most definitely sticking with my gut!!

Kellan ~ you are so right, most people aren't out to get/harm our children. My dad loves babies and kids will talk to almost any baby/kid in a store, that my freak out some people, he would also hold any baby/kid that someone asked him to, he just LOVES them. He is an excellent father and grandfather and very involved in our lives and I know this, but others don't... so I try to remember this when the older man is trying to talk to my children. It isn't even always that sort of situation that throws me into a slight whirl of panic...

Pregnantly Plump ~ thank you for your support on following my instincts, it is nice to hear that I'm not totally nuts. Although I would've just dealt with being nuts, b/c this kind of feeling I just can't ignore. :)

Annie ~ I would have flipped the EF out!!! Seriously... I could NOT imagine someone feeding my child ANYTHING with out my permission. UGH! some people are so damn stupid it is unreal... those people should not be allowed out in public!! really!!

One time I was in Wal-Mart and I was putting up groceries and Brooke was strapped in the front of the cart... and this lady said her her friend or parnter, whichever, "Go ahead and take her out." "She wants to get out, she was saying up."... I turned around so quick I thought my head would fall off... I could NOT believe they were talking about picking my child up from the shopping cart!! WTF!! SO, as calmly as I possibly could manage, I said... "Please DO NOT take her out of the cart... do NOT pick her up!!" and ended it with a very sarcastic "thank you!" ugh!!

what is wrong with the world???

Rhea ~ I think you are right about the older they get the less I will be freakin' out. :)

Lou ~ always my motto!! well one of!! :)

Angie said...

Do not feel bad about wanting to protect your kids. Times are so different from when we were young. Stuff that I did as a child, I would NEVER let my kids do. Being protective is definitely a parental instinct that I think is stronger in some than others, but I would much rather be safe than sorry. :-)

Kellan said...

Hey Jennifer - have a good weekend - Kellan

Sandy C. said...

Trust me, totally normal. At least for me. After being car-jacked in broad daylight in a nice neighborhood, I never take chances and don't trust anyone.

While walking or even parking in a parking lot, I won't walk next to a suspicious, unmarked van of any sort. I'm always afraid someone will slide open the door and yank us in!

Kellan said...

Hey - you have a great time camping - HAVE A BLAST! See you soon - Kellan

LaskiGal said...

You know, I think it would be abnormal NOT to worry. Especially today . . . heck, your reasons for worrying are in the news each and every day.

I think when the worry starts to paralyze your life, then you might need to take a step back.

Until then, it is cautious awareness, and when it comes to your children, you can never, ever have too much of that.

CrystalChick said...

Hello! I'm new to your blog coming by way of Rhea!

It's such a fine line to walk with kids. I alot STILL about mine and they are 24 and 14 (15 tomorrow!) and now I have a grandson to add to the worry. LOL
You sound like a good hands on, very attentive, concerned Mom so I'm sure they'll be just fine!
Nice pics on your other page too.
Happy weekend!

CrystalChick said...

that was supposed to say:
I STILL worry alot about mine.
Not awake yet I guess....

just jamie said...

It's great to protect your children. Mothers have a special way of knowing when things aren't right. No need to call yourself names over it. Good for you.

I can't even begin to express my own fears in this area, and my guess is, that as a mother it's entirely natural.

OLLA CHAS said...

Hi Jennifer, just browsing and found your blog. And I like it..:)

Anyway, nothing's wrong with being protective to your kids. I often find myself running around 'mad' thinking how can I best protect my kids too..:) So take it easy. I'm sure this is something that every mom in the world would do.

~ Hi. Glad you stopped by. Come on in, kick off your shoes, put your feet up relax, grab a drink and stay a while. ~